For most of my life I've been quite of a mediocre person. Needless to say that I still am, but something has been changing in the past year. 2025 has been the year i've been at my lowest, I have collected failure over failure and all because of my laziness and entitledness, speaking of which has driven me to do many awful and evil things to other people and even to myself. I dont want to be this way anymore
Redemption to me means doing my best to become someone that's worth spending their time with, giving a contribution to my community after spending most of my life in individualism and giving little to no contribution to my family, my city, the friends and people who've cared to me the most and who've been there whenever I needed and even to myself. I have never needed to do anything other than the bare minimum because I've always been covered without realizing and this has led me to becoming a bad person. In terms of laziness, damn, I am the worst
I have been feeling a sense of guilt growing up in my gut that's ruining every aspect of my life. Now, I know that there's people who've done ever worse things than me and that, in the great scheme of things, I have done nothing that crazy actually. But still, that doesn't mean I have been a good person by any chance.
The feeling of guilt is leading me to kind of unexpected choices. Most of them are good things like volunteering, doing house chores etc, but some of them are really drastic. I've come to the realization that redemption doesn't only come from improvement in itself but also to the social perception that other people have towards you. In order to clean my name, a great, visible change is necessary, even though it will lead me to great suffering. That is why I decided to join the army. I am against war and my political views have shifted a lot towards a more left wing, collectivistic mindset (I AM NOT A LIBERAL THOUGH!!) but there is no thing that is percieved a great source of both suffering and self-improvement than joining the army, because doing that also means giving away many individual freedoms and being forced to undergo a long and harsh training aimed specifically at breaking individualism and building a resilient mentality. I will do my best to serve my people with honour
This is all I got to say for now. Thank you all for taking your time to read